Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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