hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have post one night stand depression
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