I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
