just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
