youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
