i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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