We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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