I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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