is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
