She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
