i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
