I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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