he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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