my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
