a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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