How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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