Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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