he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize