i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
