I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
