This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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