So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
