she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
