he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
