tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
