well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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