Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
