we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
