So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
