Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am naked and annoyed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
