im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
