dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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