I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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