Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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