we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
