moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
