Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
