Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
