So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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