I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
