I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
