Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
