and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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