hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
time to smoke my breakfast
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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