Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
