apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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