his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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