He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
