That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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