I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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