he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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