Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
