Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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