Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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