so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
