Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
