i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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