I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
