wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
