its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
