Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ttyl tear gas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
