More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
