I am puke
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
